The North East (Day One)

It's a glorious morning and our guide and driver arrive promptly to escort us on our five day private tour of the North East of the country. The boys are both a little dishy which puts a smile on both our faces and a pervy skip in our step. Half an hour driving through the mad mêlée of down-town Hanoi avoiding motorbikes going the wrong way up a dual carriageway and needing eyes in your bottom to anticipate what the driver in front and behind is about to do, we finally burst out into the countryside. It's good to leave the madness behind.

For day one we have a visit to a museum of ethnology and then on to Ba Be Lake, situated in Bac Kan province, which is the largest natural lake in Vietnam. Unfortunately the museum is closed on Mondays but we have a little walk around the building where there are a few tribal huts to see and some tribal carvings etc within the grounds. As we walk around there are some young musicians practising, they have a couple of drums and some sort of stringed instrument that I'm not quite sure what it is; I must stress they were youngsters and we all need to practise but oh my word it sounded like they had 10 cats tied up and where treading on their tails. It's a shame the museum is closed as it's supposed to very good, hey ho they have one back in Hanoi that we shall visit when we return.

Driving on, the countryside becomes more lush and we start to see the undulating jungle clad rolling hills that Vietnam is so famous for. Down a country road and there are a few shacks doted along selling snacks etc. We stop at one that is selling sticky rice made in a unique style. The rice is wrapped in a banana leave and stuffed into a young freshly bamboo cane, chucked on a roaring fire until the bamboo is charcoal black. The rice takes minutes to cook, you then peel the bamboo like a banana and inside the rice, which has been mixed with peanuts is perfectly cooked ...it is absolutely delicious and served with a dip of salted crushed peanuts.... hmmm hmmm yummy.

Back on the road, the weather is gorgeous with the sun beating down, we realise that we are really off the tourist trail as whenever we stop for photos we are either stared at like some exotic curiosity or waved and shouted “hello” to by kids with bigger grins on their faces than the Cheshire Cat. This is feeling good.

After lunch at a cavernous restaurant more reminiscent of a bingo hall than a fine dining establishment we take a further few hours drive to our stopover of Ba Be Lake. The landscape is becoming more dramatic with luscious green jungle surrounding us on all sides on the sensually curvaceous oscillating hills. We arrive on the shores of Ba Be and stop at our resting place for the night. We are staying in a family home of a family that belong to the Tay tribe. The Tay generally live in valleys near to river or water sources within stilt houses that are timber made. Ad and I take a walk down to the lake as sunset creeps upon us. As we traverse up a winding lane, jungle pressing in on us, I spot a squidged insect on the road...oh fuck me ...it must be six inches long, bright green with big googley eyeballs...I come over all queer and am immediately transported back to the Ecuadorian Amazon and the horrors that night-time produces there. Fucking hell it's getting dark!! As dusk falls millions of midges appear from nowhere....yes I know, your thinking “MIDGES oh for gawd sake grow some cojones”, but I kid you not the little bleeders were up me nose down me throat and I strongly suspect infiltrating every other orifice. Luckily, apart from a moth the size of Fiat Punto, that was the only creature we encountered that evening.

Back at the house we are served a gorgeous over the top, on quantity, dinner by our hosts and are introduced for the first time to rice wine. It tastes a little like a slightly weakened vodka, is drunk in small shots downed in one go, and everything from your health to the bowl of rice arriving is toasted. After dinner we are invited to sit with the family and more rice wine, which by the way is home made, is produced. Once your glass is empty it is immediately refilled and as guests we are required to have a personal toast with each member of the family. It's a great end to the day and we retire to bed a little sozzled.